stranger

dear stranger,

i can't believe what happened to you, you've become self-absorbed and all knowing. it's sad to know that you are not the same person you used to be but what's worst is that you've changed not for the better. i admire how you can talk nicely to other people and turn into a nasty one when you talk to me which is not very often.

i will not pretend to like you anymore nor try to understand why you are like a monster to me. instead i will try to just let you go and accept the fact that no matter how hard i pray or try to recreate the past, you will not go back to the old you. the old you that i really really like, the one i prayed for to find, the one i thought i was lucky enough to have.

thank you for turning me into this numb, i don't care anymore, i'm tired kind of girl. =) i hope it is all worth it, i hope you are happy. i hope one day you will realize that you're an asshole and of all people you treated me like a dirt. i deserve some respect.

you are pushing me to be like this. you are making this very easy.

love,

me =)

the end

yesterday was the end.

i decided to stop caring.

i will stop trying to make things work.

i will stop trying to give sense to everything.

i will stop reaching out.....

i will stop trying to understand

i will stop giving other people the power to hurt me.

i will stop expecting....

i will not beg for something that i deserve.

i will not ask for more

i will not be taken for granted.

i will not be a dummy...

i will not cry, i will not be sad.

i will be thankful for opening my eyes,

closing my heart, for being numb.

yesterday i stopped feeling anything.

this is the end.

Smallville

Smallville made me realized that I'm still a hopeless romantic, in as much as I already settled with what my life is right now, I suddenly missed the feeling of "kilig", I suddenly long for the romance and all that comes with it.

It's been a while and I missed the feeling of seeing your crush from a distance and the 5 mins conversation that you will rewind in your mind the whole day or week. The nervousness i'd feel whenever I'm in the same room with someone I adore. Or a good surprise that will make me smile, the butterfly in my stomach whenever I'm about to see my someone.

It takes two to tango. I know my part.

It's just there, it's just needed to be rekindled. I hope soon because I miss the feeling.

like

I like you today...

You make me so happy...

I hope today will last forever....

I'm happy =)

the truth

the truth is sometimes I pretend that I'm okay when I'm really hurting inside.

the truth is I miss you so much. and i want you back.

the truth is I'm tired of trying.

the truth is I'm starting not to care anymore. I think I like it.

the truth is I want you to be happy, even if it means more pain for me.

the truth is I don't like what I feel or think anymore...

the truth hurts, but what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger.

so I guess, shit happens.

at last

I have a lot on my mind lately, I wanted to blog more and express what I'm feeling but for some unexplained reason I don't blog about anything anymore. I missed writing here in my blog, I blame twitter for letting me express myself in 140 characters.

Christmas is just around the corner and for the first time, my family will be spending the holidays in Cebu with Mike's family. I look forward to eating lots of delicious foods since I dubbed Cebu "the land of yummy foods". Of course I'm excited for Caitlin, it'll be her first Christmas with her Manaloto family, and somewhat her first Christmas because she was just 15 days old last year and really really thin.

I spent last friday and saturday with my family in Las Pinas, went to my kuya's pamamanhikan. He is finally getting married and I'm really happy because it's with ate Yanie. Finally and thank God it's with her. I love ate Yanie, she's the best thing that ever happened to kuya.

I'm now consolidating a list of Christmas wishlist for myself. hahahaa! who knows right? I might get what I want. hehehe!

I'm so happy I found time to blog. I used to blog almost everyday. Now I have to go, Caitlins staring at me, I think she wants to play with me.

'til the next time! =) I love you my blog. You used to be my best friend.

unplanned

time flies when you're having fun and it's true that spontaneity rocks with a little dash of planning, just a little.

seeing things in a different light, hopefully this time it'll be better and not turn into something ugly all over again. it's irritating and i don't wanna go through shits all over again.

i spent the weekend over at my parents place! it was awesome and i ate a lot! i missed yaya's cooking and i think i gained 5lbs from my two day stay. i love my family.

i miss lomography, hoping after bagyong juan we can all go to Luneta and go lomo-ing

i love caitlin so much, she keep me sane and grounded. she's so adorable. i would say without her things will be a lot different. thank God for caitlin.

lemme enjoy life more. ciao!

follow!

http://ilovelovefood.tumblr.com

caitlin•august 2010

Caitlin would like to thank the following:

1. ninang miki for making time to take her photos

2. carters and tito benjie viloria for her dresses

3. mommy for her headbands and for having awesome genes

4. ate lorry her PA/stylist/diaper expert

5. dada for making her laugh and for being her bodyguard

6. God =)

slow

i'm learning a lot from life

i'm learning a lot about myself

i'm getting there and it's gonna be awesome

life is indeed full of surprises

one step at a time

here's to getting to where we want to be

slowly but surely

a new me

will now stop caring too much...

no more nice carla....

i wanna move on already!

this is the new me.

goodbye old carla!

in the end

in the end, it doesn't really matter....

i'm tired of waiting for my rocket to come....

it will not come, change is supposed to be good...

i'm done expecting, hoping for something good....

i'm not gonna smile again...

so much for my happy ending....

back at one

Its not the way you want it to be

Its never gonna be like before

Why does it has to change?

I want it back, I want it that way...

berry berry

I have a new phone!
I have to let go of 1k plus of awesome msgs though...
Irreplaceable messages and memories...
I hope its worth it...
I'm bad in letting go sentimental stuffs...hay!
Afraid that it might not be worth it...
I hope to I can save more awesome messages quite soon...
But I'm seriously doubting it...
No time for those things na...
So welcome blackberry.

P.s. I still so love you iphone and n95

happiness

hello blog!
it's been quite sometime since i rant here....
a lot happened...
i realized a lot of things,
and a lot of things changed....
for the better....
been praying more...
been smiling more...
getting my life back slowly but surely...

thank you for being patient...
thank you for still being there for me....
i will continue to move forward
and never look back...

happiness is a choice...

Letting go

I don't know why i'm still here when it's obvious that i don't need to be here

i don't know anymore the reason why i'm holding on

i don't know how long i can bear the disappointments and sadness

i don't know if i should still care when it's apparent that i should not care

i don't know why i'm still holding on when i should just let go

i don't know why i bother to think or try, it's not getting better

i don't know if this is all worth it, if this is really for me

i don't know anymore, i'm lost and tired

all i know is that i have to let go. Let it all go. Goodbye.

Between the lines

Its a different him that i don't usually see....it scares me.

I guess no matter how long it has been, he's different when i'm not around...

When in doubt just think of the good times. Ü

i miss those good times....its been a while.

Missin a lot of things. I still miss you!

I realized a lot of things. Discovered some painful stuffs.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. What i feel doesn't matter.

No pain, no gain.

Smile like i mean it.

girl time!

girl time at last! =)
shopping, pedicure and more shopping with joko
and then dinner with iya, kassy and joko
yummy qoola courtesy of kassy
and more girl bonding!
i love my girls! miss you guys na agad!

post v-day

yes hubby gave me some flowers for v-day, which is a big SURPRISE!

slowly but surely.

almost there but not quite yet.

happiness is a choice.

i'll try my best to wait patiently.

life is better without you. thank you!

love is all around

so it's almost valentines day and love is all around.....

SING IT PLEASE: i feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes, love is all around me, and so the feeling grows...

daming pressure at expectations pag valentines....whew.

it's not one of my fave holiday....sad magexpect kasi! cliche!

and for trivia: no v-day celebration for me ever....i don't know why...well maybe meron but nothing that is memorable or so. i don't know why! no v-day that is memorable? that's bad. there's a lot of b-day celebration that is really memorable but no v-day? wow!

nakakasad ang valentines noh?

buti na lang kasabay ng chinese new year, deadma na lang sa valentines.

=================

on random thoughts:

addicted to dairy queen and it's all mike's fault. =)

i want steak, the cheap one, the one in the food court! just because.

i miss UP fair!

i want a happy ending for K and D. compromise. make it work. wag matigas ulo ha!

moving to the other side tomorrow. hhhhmmmmmm....i wonder....

still no massage....must go to the spa and use my GC....soon!

i love you caitlin, even if you're awake almost the whole day and my arms really hurts from carrying you the whole day....you're a big girl and still growing.

okay, i must sleep because caitlin might wake up and my arms and back needs rest!

i love you blog! happy valentines to you my blog!

DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE (I'M SORRY)

DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE (I'M SORRY)

For all the years that I’ve known you baby
I can’t figure out the reason why lately
you’ve been acting so cold (didn’t you say)
if there’s a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don’t want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know)
I’m sick and tired of this silly game
don’t think that I’m the only one here to blame
it’s not me who’s been going round slamming doors

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

I know that I’ve made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn’t make sense to me now that you’re gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on that night you said to me
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

good times

with my best friends
february 7,2010

i super enjoyed our tagaytay trip yesterday.
i missed my girls, too bad kwe was not there
but it's still all good. and fun fun fun!

i love lomo, buzz, my panda whistle, carlos pizza,
green halls, enteng, uly, margarita, tita mirriam,
special hot strawberry drink from starbucks,
smb light, cold tagaytay weather and my girls! =)

good vibes

yehey! finally moving on. an answered prayer and thank God for that.

excited for more home improvements! =)

hoping for more bonding time though! i miss you so much.

i miss hanging out with you. and talk talk talk. i miss you!

okay, let me just say that i'm super excited for sunday! weeeee!

i plan to consume like 5 rolls of films! go lomo!

i want kimono ken's tofu thingymajig.

i want to win a nokia 5230! please God and Mo Twister. hahaha!

i just got some of my lomo cameras! weeee. thank you virg!

i love my skittles, enjoying it while blogging.

i'm also currently watching true blood, and then vampire diaries.

i still miss you so much.

okay, good vibes on! forever!

break!

break! break! break! break!

looking forward to our tagaytay trip over the weekend, i'm excited to be with my girls.

looking forward to meeting kassy's bubu.

excited to lomo again. weeeee.

i want to feel tagaytay's lovely weather.

i miss banio kreek and karaoke with miki and joko.

i want to food trip with llb.

let's visit uly and gail! our fave baristas!

tagaytay will always be my happy place =)

i need a break. i'm excited to have that break.

walang kokontra please! i deserve the break.

hello february!

hello february! i can't believe we're on the second month of 2010 already! the month of romance! 13 days to go til valentines day! 

caitlin's growing up so fast, she can now lift her head and shift it when she's sleeping on her stomach. she also shifted her diaper size to small instead of newborn. she now weighs 4.2kg or 9lbs and she is already 21.75 inches long. she can finish a big can of similac advance in just 6 days with breastfeeding. let me just say wow! growing so fast. 

i miss taking lomo pics and the excitement of going to digiprint to have the films processed and the joy of looking at the pics after a few days of developing it. i wish i can go some place where i can lomo a lot. i miss you lomoraphy. i miss my analog cameras, it's still in our place at las pinas...need to make room for them here at my new home. let's lomo soon!

i miss you glee, please come back soon.

i miss my girls! it's a good thing that i had a chance to spend quality time with joko last thursday but i wish i can see all my girls real soon. i miss hanging out with you guys!

i want an ipad. and a blackberry.

i love ranting here in my blog! thank you blog!

the past

stumbled upon this photo
and a whole bunch of other awesome pics!
i miss you boracay!
i miss partying good and hard! it's been a while!
though i love being a mommy =)

then i reread my old blog entries.... 
brought back lots of good and bad memories.
mostly of things that lead to me being with mike,
our struggles to make it and how happy he makes me.
sometimes i still can't believe that i'm now mrs. manaloto
i refer to him a as a friend in some of my entries,
but now look at us....no longer friends. hahaha!
we've been through a lot since day one. (literally!)
hoping for the best =)

uneasy

writing here is therapeutic. i'm so glad i'm back to blogging. i love twitter but oftentimes 140 characters are not enough to express what i feel plus everything i write there are being scrutinized and some thoughts are misunderstood. 

i would like to think that slowly, everything is going to back to how stuffs are used to be but then i still feel uneasy and confused. most of the time it doesn't feel right, things don't add up and it's weird. i don't want this. i hate this.

i'm missing a lot of things. i'm longing for a lot of old TLC. i'm praying for it every night.

maybe this is just a phase, or maybe not. i don't want to think anymore. i'll just hope for the best, pray harder and keep quiet.

i miss you. i still do.

i'll wait for that day. i'll try to wait.  

my drama queen

sometimes

sometimes even if we think everything is okay, it's still not okay.

sometimes you just need to accept that things have changed, and embrace that change.

sometimes i wish that things don't have to change, that nothing has to change.

sometimes i pretend to be happy, even if i'm hurting so bad.

sometimes we chose not to say anything, because it will do us no good.

sometimes it hurts so bad, you just want to let go.

sometimes i wish for more time, time to be happy and enjoy the moment.

sometimes i want to talk to you, but you don't have the time and energy.

sometimes i hope you think of me, and not judge me.

sometimes i can feel the pain, i just shrug it off and show off a good front.

sometimes i'm numb, i don't want to feel anything anymore.

sometimes please think of me, be with me, talk to me, be your old self.

sometimes is not good thing, it's a bad sign of things yet to come. 

Missin you

I miss talking to you.

I miss you.

Share something with me.

Lets talk. Lets bond.

I miss you.

hello blog!

i miss you my blog! i miss ranting here! i miss writing here!

so i'm back with a vengeance and i'm here to stay....

2009 is obviously a super busy year for me: i got married, moved to quezon city, i stopped working and then unexpectedly gave birth. i barely had a chance to catch my breath or more so write nor update this site but still it's all good. i would say 2009 are full of life changing decisions for me but so far so good...there are complications, problems and misunderstandings but that's all part of change and change is good, change is inevitable. indeed life is full or surprises, so far all good surprises =)

more good surprises to come! =) see you soon my blog!